Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
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