So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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