You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
