So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
