I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
