well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
