You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
