that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
