I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
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I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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