he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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