where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
