She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
