Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
