started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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