RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
