So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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