I need to stop coming to work sober
i love accidental penises.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I am available for nakedness
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
