He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
