he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
