i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
