I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
