I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
