Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
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So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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