I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
