I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize