Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
