how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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