I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
