ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
How does it feel to date your dad?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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