Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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