I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize