Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
