If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Randomize
