I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
