Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
