pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
