I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize