Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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