The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
