where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i out mim tonsoeep
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
