Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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