I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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