Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
