wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
