CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
