Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
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And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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