He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
