one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every concussion has its silver lining
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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