i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
