can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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