hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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