I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
