maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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