Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
