haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
