I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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