OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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