i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
