It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
