you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
