I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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