Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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