i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
