So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
