remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
