I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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