im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Life is so much better after having sex.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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