I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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