Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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