What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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