I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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